Every where in Nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting. We want things a long time Before we get them, and the fact that we want them ALONG time makes them all the more PRECIOUS when they come.

-Joseph F. Smith

Last night we went up to the mountains and watched the shooting stars... It was amazing. I almost decided not to go, I was in a lot of pain. Taking some Darvocet and going to bed sounded allot better. But my 3 boys were way excited, and we were already at my Mom and Dad's, so we went. Bruce was so mad at first we would all OOH and Augh and he had missed it. He once even told the sky it was mean. I felt so bad that he hadn't seen any that I used my wish for that. I know how easy he can get distracted, so I had him come and sit on my lap and when I felt him move his head away from the sky I would remind him were to look. Soon he was Oohing and Aughing with us. Preston even saw a couple. I talked to them about Patience and some time we have to wait for things but they are always worth it. Then I got on the computer this morning to check up on all my friends and on the R house they had that Quote From Joseph F Smith. It hit me hard. This Month has been full of disappointment for our family. I have been going to a nutritionist since January to see if we could maybe just maybe fix my girl problems. With the 2 cysts I had at the end of last year I wanted to see if something else besides surgery could stop them. I haven't ate processed food or SUGAR since then and for me giving up sugar has been crazy hard I love frosting, cookie dough, anything with sugar as the main ingredient. At the first of July I went to a urologist and had 5 kidney stones, and a big ovarian cyst, the guy doing the ct scan was so impressed he brought me back to see it. He just kept saying look at the size of it, over and over. Maybe I would have been shocked if this wasn't all too common in me. I made it all the way to my car before I let myself cry. I went to the obgyn and they wanted surgery, But Bob and I decided to try to take a more holistic approach.

We are wanting to add on to our Family and a girl in our ward had just had her baby girl taken away from the state and asked on Sunday if we would do kinship and adopt her. All day Sunday we were so excited, the thought of having a baby girl just made us excited. We prayed and read our patriotical blessing and came to feel peace at the thought of her coming to our home and that with that our family was complete. I can't express what joy that felt like to not wonder if we didn't do the right thing and a child that was spouse to come to family didn't because of something we did or didn't to. To feel like our family was done, felt so peaceful. On Monday when we called about Her we learned that she had already been placed and that kinship wasn't available. I have felt pretty stupid usually we are right on when it comes to our kids. before Bruce we meet a girl and while we hoped that she would give us her child we knew it wasn't going to work out,With Preston we prayed about a couple other placement and with great sadness said no because we knew it wasn't right. I am sure the feeling were my own wishes and not the Lord will and sometime it's hard to know the difference.

Just like I was teaching Bruce about Patience and waiting, I am being taught that same lesson. I know that as long as we stay close to the Lord, Pray and Read the Scriptures, We will be lead to the children that are suppose to be in our family. I long to know what Pregnancy and childbirth are like, the joy of feeling your child kick inside you and watching them grow from doctors appointment. To know that they aren't being exposed to anything harmful, because I am not smoking or doing drugs. Even if I never get to know what that is like I do get to know what Motherhood is like. I love my boys so much I have longed for them and prayed for them and they are very very special to me. I am so grateful that Jamie and Brandy are in my life, they have taught me so much about love, and sacrifice. They are amazing.

Even though Monday and Tuesday were rough, I feel at peace today.